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Sparkling Ice

I don't know if you are like me, but I am one of those dreadfully old-fashioned conservatives that can't make a credit card purchase for less than five dollars unless it's from the iTunes store. And if you are like me, then you know that when you've collected $4.76 worth of merchandise and don't feel up to computing the sales tax in the cranium, you look around for one more needful item to throw in the basket.

The shopping spree in which I most recently underwent this phenomenon occurred in a grocery store, and as I was on the outset of a long automobile journey following the onset of summer, I figured that a box of ice cream bars would not survive the two day round trip. It was at this moment of crisis that I spotted an item foreign to my experience situated on the extreme end of the drinks aisle. You know what kinds of things they reserve for the extreme end of the drinks aisle. I imagine the extreme ends of the Cannes Film Festival is similarly marked by the avant-garde. I was scanning this frightening collection of liquids when I noticed a bright orange bottle of stuff labeled Sparkling Ice, Peach Nectarine, Zero Calories, with Vitamins and Antioxidants.

"This has the makings of a horror film that only the most hardened Cannes regular could appreciate," I said to myself with a smirk. But the bright orange color convinced me that I sometimes fail to live life to the fullest, and further, what could it hurt to step out on a limb and fling caution to the wind on occasion?

It was perhaps two weeks later that I was in the mood to fling some caution when I opened the fridge and spotted the orange bottle. So I hoisted it out with a defiant flick of the wrist that would have made James Dean remove his cigarette and say something about here being a rebel to align with. The special blue glass was pulled down from the cabinet. This is an item I picked up recently at an antique store which looks like something that might be intended to house a candle. It has a very rounded profile, a smallish opening, and an unmistakable blueness that makes Sparkling Ice, Peach Nectarine appear to have been fermenting since the rise and fall of Rome.

You are by this point probably casting back your mind to The Tale of Two Enchiladas or the story of the orange Fanta and expecting me to start cursing this foul drink mixture in the next moment. That would be poetic, it's true. But the fact is I rather like the stuff. It isn't as sweet as ordinary soft drinks, being flavored only by peach juice concentrate, malic acid, ester gum, biotin 1% trit., and the like. But at the same time, it doesn't produce that face-warping effect caused by straight carbonated water which makes the user feel as if he or she had just taken a large bite of green persimmon concentrate. No, it is a middle of the road experience and one that I feel can be lived with when the mood occasionally strikes.

So if the extreme edges of the film industry are your thing, Sparkling Ice, Peach Nectarine, Zero Calories, with Vitamins and Antioxidants may not suit your volatile nature. But if you are a dreadfully old-fashioned conservative like me, it may be just the thing to tip your next credit card purchase over the five dollar mark.

7/3/13

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